rebel scream

“Love is a rebellious bird that nobody can tame.” ― Veronica Rossi, Through the Ever Night

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“Sam laughed, a funny, self-deprecating laugh. “You did read a lot. And spent too much time just inside the kitchen window, where I couldn’t see you very well.”

“And not enough time mostly naked in front of my bedroom window?” I teased.

Sam turned bright red. “That,” he said, “is so not the point of this conversation.” ― Maggie Stiefvater, Shiver

Nerd girls

“Nerd girls are the world’s most underutilized romantic resource. And guys, do not tell me that nerd girls are not hot because that shows a Paris Hilton-esque failure to understand hotness.” ― John Green

My mom was one of the smartest women I have ever known and is probably why I like smart women. She was also intelligent, which I define as pure cognitive abilities.  To me smarts are about common sense and have more to do with the ability to solve and resolve everyday life problems. Intelligence may derive a computer equation to solve a complex math relationship, but smarts is what figures out how to make a human relationship work. Some women can do both, as can men.

committment

“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” ― Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

Enabling

There are those parents who are so protective of their kids they never allow them to solve any problems on their own, rushing in to resolve whatever daily hiccup has arrived. As such, the kids never get to problem-solve on their own and develop confidence in their own abilities to get themselves out of difficult situations. When they are young, of course they need more protection than later in life.

If the parents never let the kids struggle a bit the kids will never learn they can resolve most of their problems themselves. If the kids allow their parents to solve all their problems what will they do when the parents are no longer there to bail them out. The kids will be ill-prepared for the ups-and-downs of life.

I believe in letting the grown, or almost-grown, kids struggle some so they can fully appreciate the situation they are in and the resultant consequences. if, after a while, they have made an effort and run out of possible solutions I may discuss other possible solutions they might try. But I wont solve their situation for them because that would be enabling them to avoid the consequences of their previous decisions. Those who do not pursue good jobs or careers will probably live hand-to-mouth and paycheck-to-paycheck. They have not put in the hard work necessary to have a higher standard and more stable life. I don’t feel sorry for them because its the result of their life choices. I will not make up for their bad choices. Sometimes it is not always their fault. A kid getting polio or having one or both of his parents die at an early are examples, even though those situations are rare.

I know of people who believe all they have to  do in life is pray, and manna from Heaven will rain down on them. Life is difficult for them. They lose jobs and have great trouble finding new ones because they frequently don’t have a high school education. One family I know has lost four houses due to a job loss, resulting in missed payments and eventual foreclosure. Its a sad situation but I don’t feel sorry for them. If anybody, I feel sorry for the kids being raised without needed emotional and financial stability.

While I have never been accused of being overly religious, I believe God helps those who help themselves. If you don’t help yourself, you shouldn’t expect free resolution of your problems. I have no intention to enable anybody, although I will help those who are making the effort to dig themselves out of the hole they are in.

Defining Success

I had an online conversation yesterday with another writer about success. My position is that its as much discovered in the journey as the destination. Selling a bunch of books would be nice and an affirmation of some sort but the real, long-lasting pleasure and satisfaction is found in the everyday journey to become a little better storyteller. BTW, I also strive to be a better person every day too. I don’t always succeed on either or both counts but that is my overriding goal.

Demon Dreams

I hit the sack early for me, at 1:30am, and woke up with a start at 3:30am. From time to time I get these death dreams and awaken with an overwhelming sense of dread, and fear that I won’t get said what I want to say before my time is up. I cannot deny that I’m WAY closer to the end than the beginning of my life. I also know that if I try to return to sleep right away the nightmare will return so I wrote and did some editing for two hours. My demons distracted/assuaged for the time being, I slept peacefully until 10:30am.

Hemingway was my idol

I discovered Hemingway as a HHS senior and over the next couple years read everything had ever written. I thought he was the ballsiest dude I had ever known. He had done stuff I had only dreamt about. His writing was clean and pure. I struggled to understand why he had killed himself. I mean, he was rich and famous, won dozens of literary awards, known scores of women and fathered several kids, what more could he ask? Apparently a restless soul, he may well have been manic-depressive. Depression can kill your soul, and apparently it did his in. A year or so ago I re-read The Old Man and the Sea and although it was good, it didn’t have the overwhelming impact it had several decades ago. The story was the same, but I was different.