Enabling

There are those parents who are so protective of their kids they never allow them to solve any problems on their own, rushing in to resolve whatever daily hiccup has arrived. As such, the kids never get to problem-solve on their own and develop confidence in their own abilities to get themselves out of difficult situations. When they are young, of course they need more protection than later in life.

If the parents never let the kids struggle a bit the kids will never learn they can resolve most of their problems themselves. If the kids allow their parents to solve all their problems what will they do when the parents are no longer there to bail them out. The kids will be ill-prepared for the ups-and-downs of life.

I believe in letting the grown, or almost-grown, kids struggle some so they can fully appreciate the situation they are in and the resultant consequences. if, after a while, they have made an effort and run out of possible solutions I may discuss other possible solutions they might try. But I wont solve their situation for them because that would be enabling them to avoid the consequences of their previous decisions. Those who do not pursue good jobs or careers will probably live hand-to-mouth and paycheck-to-paycheck. They have not put in the hard work necessary to have a higher standard and more stable life. I don’t feel sorry for them because its the result of their life choices. I will not make up for their bad choices. Sometimes it is not always their fault. A kid getting polio or having one or both of his parents die at an early are examples, even though those situations are rare.

I know of people who believe all they have to  do in life is pray, and manna from Heaven will rain down on them. Life is difficult for them. They lose jobs and have great trouble finding new ones because they frequently don’t have a high school education. One family I know has lost four houses due to a job loss, resulting in missed payments and eventual foreclosure. Its a sad situation but I don’t feel sorry for them. If anybody, I feel sorry for the kids being raised without needed emotional and financial stability.

While I have never been accused of being overly religious, I believe God helps those who help themselves. If you don’t help yourself, you shouldn’t expect free resolution of your problems. I have no intention to enable anybody, although I will help those who are making the effort to dig themselves out of the hole they are in.

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Defining Success

I had an online conversation yesterday with another writer about success. My position is that its as much discovered in the journey as the destination. Selling a bunch of books would be nice and an affirmation of some sort but the real, long-lasting pleasure and satisfaction is found in the everyday journey to become a little better storyteller. BTW, I also strive to be a better person every day too. I don’t always succeed on either or both counts but that is my overriding goal.

Demon Dreams

I hit the sack early for me, at 1:30am, and woke up with a start at 3:30am. From time to time I get these death dreams and awaken with an overwhelming sense of dread, and fear that I won’t get said what I want to say before my time is up. I cannot deny that I’m WAY closer to the end than the beginning of my life. I also know that if I try to return to sleep right away the nightmare will return so I wrote and did some editing for two hours. My demons distracted/assuaged for the time being, I slept peacefully until 10:30am.

Hemingway was my idol

I discovered Hemingway as a HHS senior and over the next couple years read everything had ever written. I thought he was the ballsiest dude I had ever known. He had done stuff I had only dreamt about. His writing was clean and pure. I struggled to understand why he had killed himself. I mean, he was rich and famous, won dozens of literary awards, known scores of women and fathered several kids, what more could he ask? Apparently a restless soul, he may well have been manic-depressive. Depression can kill your soul, and apparently it did his in. A year or so ago I re-read The Old Man and the Sea and although it was good, it didn’t have the overwhelming impact it had several decades ago. The story was the same, but I was different.

HALO for me

When I broke my ankle in 2005 I had a HALO cast on for ten months. Regular casts are hot and sweaty and itch like crazy after a couple months, with no good way to scratch that itch. A HALO cast also surrounds your leg but is six inches away and anchored by metal screws in your bones. Open-air casting several inches away from the leg allows the leg to be washed regularly in the shower. It also requires another surgical procedure to remove the screws and the cast. I find myself doing several of the same moves I did before now. A cast is a cast. I swing the cast out in front of me when getting up. I scoot on the bed as far as possible to avoid as much weight-bearing as possible, especially at the beginning, as the doctors want NO weight-bearing until the bone heals. The VA in Miami put the HALO on me, Dr. Cohen was terrific, and took it off without serious issues. I was told the HALO would normally cost 50k. I was shocked but it was so sturdy surely it could be used for years! Nope. Dr. Cohen told me they can only use it once for any patient. After that it can only be used for the residents to practice on. Even though stuff is sterilized all the time in the OR, for some reason they weren’t allowed to do the same with that cast or any like it..

Memories

Leaving the gypsy life behind, we lived at the house on Hill Street for two years. We were only a couple of blocks from Harding, a junior/senior high school with a lot of wealthier kids. Bass Weejuns, an expensive leather loafer featuring a decorative slot on the toe just the right size for a shinny […]

via Weejuns — Gramma Polly Remembers…

Lessons Learned ?

The 2008-09 Great Recession put a lot of people out of work and caused them to lose their houses. My family was not exempt. My niece and her husband lost their jobs and their house. Their credit was decimated. So about thirty months ago when my nephew told me they were barely surviving with their two kids in an old, dilapidated vehicle that broke down frequently I reluctantly agreed to help them. I put a significant down payment for them so that the monthly payments would be something they could handle. They have been making monthly payments on time since then, I assume. I am still on the title however, which makes me uncomfortable. The loan is for five years but it has never been my intention to remain on the title for that length of time. My plan was to help them out with my credit until such time as they could get back on their feet financially. They seem to be doing well now, as my niece’s husband is making six figures, they bought a ten thousand dollar boat, and have paid off several back bills. I have asked her husband on several occasions, maybe five, to get his own car loan now and take me off the title but all I get from him are BS excuses. Every time I ask he says it would be better at a later time. If he has money to buy a nice pleasure boat he has money to get his own car loan. It seems it would “inconvenience” him to get his own loan. After 2 1/2 years, a new boat, and multiple requests from me he needs to do what I’m asking. He’s a decent kid and the payments are up to date, I assume, along with the car insurance. This is not a little matter, and he’s starting to piss me off. I also loaned him and my niece over five grand to fix up their house four or five months ago. They are making regular payments of around a hundred bucks a month. I am concerned they are incurring more debt than they can pay back. Making six figures should enable them to pay off their debts over time and 30 months or so should be sufficient time for that to happen. If necessary they can sell the boat. In any case this is another No Good Deed Goes Unpunished story.

This is becoming a pattern. I had a queen-size bed when I moved that I had paid $ 538 for a year before. I asked the husband to help me move it tot Habitat for donation about ten days before I left, and he agreed to help me move. Moving day came and he showed up in a long-sleeve shirt and a tie “to help me move.” Obviously he had no intentions of helping me move. He DID take a tool box full of tools and my karaoke machine, which his son will enjoy. When I asked him to throw the bed in the back of the truck he said he “didn’t want to mess with it.” It would have taken him less than thirty minutes to do that and I would have received a $300-400 tax credit for the donation. After all I have done for him and his family you might think he would accommodate me, a little favor. I will NOT do him or his family any more favors. Period. He has burned that bridge. Live and learn.

Scammers redux

I got a PM today from a guy I knew vaguely growing up in Miami. He assured me that we have been so close (we weren’t) he will reveal to me a secret that will make me thousands of dollars. According to this guy, Bill Gates has decided to give away his fortune and if I will just forward the message he sent me to everybody I know I will receive $ 245 for each one I send them. He says he has already done it last month and received over 24 thousand dollars for providing the email addresses to Bill Gates. I have to hurry though because if I wait for more than a  week my pay will only be $ 241. Sigh. BS scammers again.

Moving

I have been in the process of moving from Florida to Georgia. I am scheduled for surgery on my left foot August tenth to remedy the arthritic growth on my left instep. I broke my left ankle in 2005 and spent 10 months in a HALO cast as it was healing. The doctors told me then that I would have significant arthritis on that side, and they were right. This surgery will scrape away the knot, put a plate in my foot, and straighten out my big toe, which has begun leaning toward the toe next to it. They say I will be in a knee-high cast and on crutches for 2-3 months and a boot afterward. That should provide a lot of time for reading and writing. I am looking forward to building this site up as the go-to place for the entire Rhonda trilogy.

Currently I am re-editing the first part of Liberating Rhonda, and learning a LOT in the process, although its a slow and difficult voyage. I plan to write something here 3 times a week or more at the beginning, before my surgery. After the procedure is done it will depend on how well I’m healing and feeling. Thanks for stopping by ! I will be back soon! !